Inspired by a friend on LJ who sometimes posts a guide to all the family and friends she mentions on her journal for newcomers, I've compiled a similarily guide to all the extended family members I'm likely to mention in my journal. So now there's no need to be confused:

Shareen - She's been me mate for years and years. Fancies David Tennant, wants him to check her pulse and keeps going on about something called 'Amlet! She also thinks that she makes better icons than me - daft bint!

Debs - My sister. She thinks I'm a serial killer (I mean why else would anyone have books about Jack The Ripper, Charles Manson and Mary Bell or know who Jessica Fletcher is? *rolleyes*). I usually just call her "The Ice Princess" though and tell her that I couldn't possibly be a serial killer because she hasn't dated me *hee hee* Also she dresses like a hooker sometimes.

Evil Sister Jessica (tm) - My evil sister who lives in the mirror and tells me to do bad things. Because I'm such a pushover I always do as she commands.

Jessy Pants - Local icon dealer who got me hooked on Paris icons.

Paris - Says she doesn't want to marry me and that she loves someone else... But exactly what part of all that sounds even remotely believable?

Evil Sister Nicky - Paris's evil sister who lives in the mirror and tells her not to marry me and to spend more time with Benji instead (well someone has to get the blame). Possibly.

Stretch Monster - He has glue for blood! Ewww!

Sister Moon - Doesn't like people to ask her if she's coming round soon or telling her to groove on. Personally I always tell that girl to shut up!

Shannon Rutherford - My protege and number one student. I'm teaching her everything I know about not doing anything all day (when I can drag her away from sunbathing) so that she can carry on my life's work when I'm no longer around.

Sayid Jarrah - Shannon's boyfriend. We've hardly anything in common - I like to spend too much time with Shannon whereas he likes to spend the same time playing with knives and scowling threateningly.

The Island - Always demanding sacrifices. Alas my sister Deb is watching me far too closely for me to oblige right now.

Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart - A good man to have in your corner. Of course I never tell him that and he probably won't read this anyway.

Sgt Benton - Someone has to make the tea and coffee and get the morning paper around here.

Jo Grant - Silly office girl who can't make tea properly and claims that the Master hypnotised her (one wonders if these two facts are related), hence Sgt Benton actually being given something to do.

Lynda with a Y - My part time secretary. Can always be relied on to catch me up on last night's Bear With Me, but doesn't like me having toy Daleks around the office.

Goth Charlie - Whiney mopey git. Do not let this man near a guitar.

Texas Milton - Goth chick. Made a fortune from putting her catchphrases "That's Cold" and "Do You Hate It?" on t-shirts. Will try to paint your room black if you leave her alone for five minutes.

Chicago Dante - You do NOT want to put her in the same room as Texas Milton!

Number Six - Always trying to escape but I'm sure he'll settle down like the rest of us eventually.

Number Six (2) - A bit of a religious nutter but she makes good toast.

Jeanne - I don't speak French, so I have no idea who these "Anglais" are that I'm supposed to kill *g*

Angelina Jolie - Gets angry and abusive when I don't check my phone messages. I think Paris has told her I changed my number though.

Sheena - A punk rocker.

Suzy - A headbanger. Her mother is a geek.

Timmy - TIMMY!

Miss Edith - Always speaking out of turn!

Marissa Cooper - My drinking buddy. The only reason I stay out so late in the pub is so that she doesn't have to drink alone and has someone to get her home at the end of the night. Honest.

Lauren Cooper - No relation to Marissa I don't think. Says she isn't bovverred but I don't believe her.

Kim Bauer - Gets kidnapped a lot. An awful lot in fact. Paris refuses to travel to a football game with her ever again. Guess that means there's an extra seat if I want to go.

So now you know. Can I help it if I have a big family or am massively popular :P